END OF THE LINE

I do not know how to start
Faster than normal, my beating heart
Empty paper and a pen on my hand
Twisted thoughts, where will these land?

Every sight of you makes my blood rush
This is inevitable, yes it's a crush
Maybe you'll wonder why
But this is my heart's cry

I have a liking, an affection for you
And it's so true
My mind never stops thinking
Your big smiles, I'm melting

Never expected that you caught my attention
Thought you are a potion
Mine eyes cannot blink at your stares
Dreaming of you as I go down the stairs

Your presence makes me weak
Every word of you gives me a tick
Startled, then I'm letting it go
The feeling I did not know

I sit and write these words
My hand hurts
Making every stroke on this letter
Though I seem to falter

I'll end this line here
I hope you'll here
Better to stay this way
Because I know.....you have someone today

-Thousand Broken Wings-

ONE OF A KIND

I melt because of your eyes
I shiver because of your voice
I lose control when I see you
I break out when I think of you

You're my weakness
You're my strength
You're one of a kind
You're one and only

The actions I witness cannot be replaced
The things I see in you are not ordinary
The most unique person I've ever been with
The kind that I've experienced the most weird feeling

Every chance I know I'll be with you, I'll take take
Every second I glance, your eyes cast a spell
Every time I see you, I'll follow you
Everyday, I think of you

My words waste blood and tears
My hands feel numb of writing
My mind sweats, thoughts that come and go
My heart speaks of feelings that I hide

You're one of a kind.....I want you

-Thousand Broken Wings-

when stupidity killed everything in me.....

Yes....this is really indeed a super stupid day for me. I am stupid and this day made me look more stupid. Damn it! I can't calm down. Another anger bursts came. ****!! I know I'm not perfect and I cannot be one either. Every mistake pinches me deep down as if my whole character's damned. I'm soooooo guilty about this. #@$!#!$!$#@$@#@$@%@%@!$$@$@#$!$!%!%@!$@$#!!!!

Material things do not change me...maybe you'll see I have "transformed" after a few days, but I'm not!! Those silent days kept me thinking/ meditating about everything I left. Oh come on!! Am I the one who changed??

I know I have those dirty secrets, but I hate not to be shared with maybe "little things"...I sooooo hate it!! I really hate it....there you are talking with each other while I was just standing in the corner then if I'm interested you would stop and whisper "oh! we should not tell this...she doesn't know what we were talking about". Damn!!! Damn it!!! I did not just looked stupid...I was a wallflower...I was only a companion but what am I as a friend?? Am I really a friend??? fuck! I patiently listen to your problems. I always want it! I'd really like to hear that you would share your problems or even those simple thoughts in your mind.Don't you know that I feel so elated every time we have soul talks with each other, I feel so trusted..but if it's my turn, I feel everyone's eyes will roll and look at another side, which makes me look stupid. No one hears me. My sharing becomes worthless, it's just a wind that blows.

But there come days when I become your "prey" for a day not just a day or two even a week. Yes, it's nice to have fun.....

I'm a LOSER, a SUPER BIG loser!!!!!.!...I'm so sensitive...sorry, if I have this kind of personality.

sooo STUPID!!!! that I always accept if you're having fun of me

I wanted to punch those doors! Break windows!!! Crash my head on the wall!!!
I felt alone!!! Alone in a damn empty space!
I say these things to release what is inside because I could not do those things, everyone's eyes are on me.....I feel bound in my own turf

next..........

breathe in!!! breathe out!!!!!!!!!! #@#$!$!$#@!$@#

_____'s not talking to me....______ seems to have a problem on me. I saw ___'s eyes
maybe ____'s having a strange feeling on me.....maybe ____ knows something that I keep as a very very super super secret......
then seeing ____ with ____ made me sooo troubled.......I'd look away then calm down...
but seeing them together...arrrgggghh!!!! I could not say!! I'm just this angry!! sooo mad!!

There are sooooooooooooo many things that bothered me this damn day! That was why my face looked so emotionless ....emotionless about things....I can't react about every thing that happened....and my mind became tired because of non-stop thinking.

I looked soooooo STUPID [real stupid]
and soooooo pressured about things!!

now I'll say......go on, share those things......but you will never hear another problem/sharing from me.......I'll try to be different now...I'll keep quiet....I don't know if you will still the same "me" in your lives.....because I want to go back....go back to myself which you have not known or seen yet...and I have many reasons why....

sorry if I am saying these right now...they are clouding up my mind so this is the way to release
After tears ran down from these eyes.....I don't know where my thoughts will take me....
I am the thousand broken wings falling from the skies....fallen.....downhearted

-thousand broken wings-

a draft for 1ar3

Welcome to another life, a new experience for you

Entering this building, eight floors divided into two

Girls and boys in white tops and black bottoms

Sitting with drafting tables and tools

Welcome to five years of survival

Will the cut-off hinder you to the final?

No giving up, no saying not

More plates to be counted, you can make it to the top

*Sleepless nights, swollen hands

Striving to finish plates

But these are none when the block comes

Friends forever even when everything’s done

* Facing troubles have never been so hard

One AR three we’ll stand

Though dragged by the waves of time

Our colors still shine

Take it back to June

When we were still new

Never knew each other

Would turn out to reach further

__BLANK__ FACTOR

I shouldn't be in this state
When love turns to hate
Why does this thing come into life?
Where it cuts like a knife

Every sight of him with her turns into fire
Wondering why, I let myself tire
I keep on avoiding this thing
But there seems like a fling

This factor is inevitable
I'm letting it go, but it's unavoidable
Everyone knows their closeness
But I was the one clueless

I have this affection
Is there such a connection?
I'll now start to have one
As a beginning, because I have none

Each time I'm with you
Infinity on high, it's so true
My eyes never blink at your smile
I'll never miss a second, pictures I'll compile

I know, I maybe that far away
Thinking of Romeo as I lay
Waiting for you each time
In front of this machine, on line

I hate being selfish
Still it's there from start to finish
One day I'll end this up
You and me on top

I want this _____ factor to be over
But not that I'm crush over
I will still keep myself good
Though my feelings are hiding in this hood

These are the nights I'm writing
I see my pencil's breaking
Creating wounds into these hands
Falling down on these sands

_____ factor be gone now
Friendship is coming back to vow
I'll slowly make the move
Then affection for you I will prove

-Thousand broken wings-

11, 12

I entered this place, just to try
Focused my eyes to the sky
For I thought I was alone
But this changed when I heard that tone

The tone that struck this heart
Where I cannot part
Saw him with mine eyes
This feeling...flies

Blinded by his light
Lost all my might
Held back my breath
Afraid of death

Death...death in the arms
Of this person who charms
Charms...charms me with his spell
So intense....that I fell

He filled this emptiness
Despite my shallowness
Made everyday of this life
Filled with light

As calendar pages are lifted
Looking at every letter he knitted
They were timeless and moving
The crazier and crazier I'm getting

But seeing each day you're away
Still thinking of you as I stay
Keeping these thoughts inside
I can..or cannot hide

The open world revealed me
That I was not meant to be
Observing his responses with the other
Makes me bother

These sights tremble me
His actions hinder me
Left me confused
Will this emotion be continued?

I shouldn't be tired of this
Though the events tease
I'll never give up
Exhausted? I know I'll keep up

Now downcast
Can't bring back the past
I can't blame her
My eyes start to shed a tear

Hands are swollen
My wings are broken
Then fell down on the surface
Because of disgrace

Standing up, still believing
Believing I'll live without dreaming
Distressed from this desolate circumstance
She must be the clearance

Will I still be in your arms?
Yes, we are racing like cars
Will I still keep on staring at you?
Don't know if these feelings are true

-thousand broken wings-

Shuffle

Wonder why how the songs in you Ipod are shuffled? You'll notice that every song will be perfect for your current state. Sad songs are played at gloomy times, yes they hurt you and you'll skip to another song but still the same thought of the song is heard. Someone or something controls these small events...

Do you know that God even shuffles those tracks in your Ipod/mp3 player??
Maybe this is a small thing...but it's not, there is something hidden in every song, He waits for you to notice.

He speaks to you, a message in a bottle, a message of what He feels about(for) you and He'll do it in any way just to tell you...so He uses things that you bring everyday one of which is your Ipod.

Songs move you, songs touch your innermost feelings you cannot express. Because of songs you can get close to a loved one..

Whatever music you'll hear...whether rock, pop or jazz, says what you feel about now
God is walking with you and saying His message....

Let Him enter your soul and let Him control of your life...

-thousand broken wings-

A THOUGHT OF A THOUGHT

As I saw each day pass by

I wonder why I was confused
Without a thing in mind

I left a hollow container in hand
Then I took deep breaths
Holding back those feelings I hide

Around me are roses and butterflies
But there is this emotion
That keeps me mourning

I thought I was on the edge of a cliff
Waiting for someone to push me
But the wind blew me back

Dark evenings left me alone
Thinking and thinking
Still nothing comes into mind

This confusion leaves me disturbed
Looking for ways how to re-direct
The perspective of loneliness

I picked the flower
For I thought it was mine
But doubt lead me to fly away

I saw the walls perfectly painted
Everyone looked at
While I was the one who did not

Sun shined and I continued to walk on the pastures
Hid the unexpressed emotions deep down
Still not letting them go

The flower does not know
Who picked and left him
And wandered by the barren land

They kept on doing the same things each day
And I did hide the same feelings
That became deeper as the story went

I can still take every shot
Though they will tear me down
Because I know I can stand

My flower knew it wasn't me
The other took care of it
While I looked at them and cried

Someday this will be spilled out
The flower will know
The four corners will know

My confusion that made me desolate
Will end in the perfect time
And I will be opened again in the same world

Hoping that the other will leave my flower
But not me who will give the greatest joy
From the gates of my runaway world

I'll will not end this race
I may lose
I will never give up

Twice rejected
The third will the biggest question
"Are you the perfect one?"

Under the night sky
Stars shining bright
I write these thoughts for you

These nights are the times of waiting
Waiting in melancholy
In the end the morning sun will rise above our heads

If you're reading this now
It is time that we'll both open our eyes
To what mine heart speaks about you