Yes....this is really indeed a super stupid day for me. I am stupid and this day made me look more stupid. Damn it! I can't calm down. Another anger bursts came. ****!! I know I'm not perfect and I cannot be one either. Every mistake pinches me deep down as if my whole character's damned. I'm soooooo guilty about this. #@$!#!$!$#@$@#@$@%@%@!$$@$@#$!$!%!%@!$@$#!!!!
Material things do not change me...maybe you'll see I have "transformed" after a few days, but I'm not!! Those silent days kept me thinking/ meditating about everything I left. Oh come on!! Am I the one who changed??
I know I have those dirty secrets, but I hate not to be shared with maybe "little things"...I sooooo hate it!! I really hate it....there you are talking with each other while I was just standing in the corner then if I'm interested you would stop and whisper "oh! we should not tell this...she doesn't know what we were talking about". Damn!!! Damn it!!! I did not just looked stupid...I was a wallflower...I was only a companion but what am I as a friend?? Am I really a friend??? fuck! I patiently listen to your problems. I always want it! I'd really like to hear that you would share your problems or even those simple thoughts in your mind.Don't you know that I feel so elated every time we have soul talks with each other, I feel so trusted..but if it's my turn, I feel everyone's eyes will roll and look at another side, which makes me look stupid. No one hears me. My sharing becomes worthless, it's just a wind that blows.
But there come days when I become your "prey" for a day not just a day or two even a week. Yes, it's nice to have fun.....
I'm a LOSER, a SUPER BIG loser!!!!!.!...I'm so sensitive...sorry, if I have this kind of personality.
sooo STUPID!!!! that I always accept if you're having fun of me
I wanted to punch those doors! Break windows!!! Crash my head on the wall!!!
I felt alone!!! Alone in a damn empty space!
I say these things to release what is inside because I could not do those things, everyone's eyes are on me.....I feel bound in my own turf
next..........
breathe in!!! breathe out!!!!!!!!!! #@#$!$!$#@!$@#
_____'s not talking to me....______ seems to have a problem on me. I saw ___'s eyes
maybe ____'s having a strange feeling on me.....maybe ____ knows something that I keep as a very very super super secret......
then seeing ____ with ____ made me sooo troubled.......I'd look away then calm down...
but seeing them together...arrrgggghh!!!! I could not say!! I'm just this angry!! sooo mad!!
There are sooooooooooooo many things that bothered me this damn day! That was why my face looked so emotionless ....emotionless about things....I can't react about every thing that happened....and my mind became tired because of non-stop thinking.
I looked soooooo STUPID [real stupid]
and soooooo pressured about things!!
now I'll say......go on, share those things......but you will never hear another problem/sharing from me.......I'll try to be different now...I'll keep quiet....I don't know if you will still the same "me" in your lives.....because I want to go back....go back to myself which you have not known or seen yet...and I have many reasons why....
sorry if I am saying these right now...they are clouding up my mind so this is the way to release
After tears ran down from these eyes.....I don't know where my thoughts will take me....
I am the thousand broken wings falling from the skies....fallen.....downhearted
-thousand broken wings-
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment