EMPTINESS

It has been weeks since the classes have ended. Everyone's back in their homes now, "I guess?".
I felt some sort of longing for some things I do not even what they exactly are. My summer classes made my inside far away from me. Headphones bring me to some place in thin air, that I almost forget in what place I am now. Being stuck in a place without windows bores me, all white walls and the cold room, and now for about 64 hours these made me lose the funny side of me, feeling crazy in quietness sometimes. I will be ending this on the next two days. Yes learning is fun, but is happiness in learning is completed with a good environment. Good vibes are hoping to come near me, soon.

IT'S NOT GAME OVER, WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM

Feb. 4, 2011 a very awaited day of the week, oh damn! It filled me with worries and stress days before. :(

I wouldn't spill the reasons why I was in another place that day.

...I waited for hours, but was happy to meet people and friends

The best part of the

whole afternoon is the new set of pictures taken by me and my friends..:D

My best friend Erika and I at the school's lobby

pictures with high school friends

My barkadas playing volleyball (watja heels!)

with a 3rd yr high school friend

Talking with the high school friends from the younger batch

Group picture with my batchmates and friends

We ended our bonding with a photoshoot at the rocks near the school

At the end, a very little moment struck us especially me, saw him shortly and said "Hi!" with a wave. Damn! Before it, everything slowed down, a SLOW MOTION SCENE that stopped everyone even my friends who saw him with a bit of a new look and I with a looked he has never seen face to face for almost 2 years.

Oh well, I'm still blaming myself for not approaching him! Shit!

-tamtamz-

Here's another..

It has been months away since I am not posting anything in this site. I've been thinking of changing what this site wants to be, or in another words, I feel a sort of a change in theme of posts/blogs.


no matter what day it is now, it is still the same person I'm thinking about

times may have change, even if I'm living in a far place, it's still you.

-tamtamz-

Train

I missed taking 3 levels of steps to reach the terminal
I missed buying a stored value ticket worth a hundred bucks
I missed inserting the card in the counter
I missed the moments I had with other people while waiting a the platform
I missed rushing to the train when it arrives
I missed the silent times listening to music while looking somewhere else
I missed the moments I remember passing by at every station
The so called Vito Cruz
I missed the rush of people to the door when they arrive at their destinations
I missed EDSA
I missed banana cue merienda times with friends
I missed the crying moments I had at UN
I missed the moments being alone thinking deeply
I missed the life that I had while taking the LRT every afternoon

I almost missed my old self, but this is a start of a new me
A new me that is driven not by selfish thoughts but by God
A new girl that has the strength coming from the Spirit
That will survive every wave of disaster that will come

떠나가

떠나가 (Leave)
G-Dragon's line from Big Bang's famous song "Haru Haru" / "Day by Day" (하루하루)


Leave, my selfish thoughts inside my mind
I know I have let go of you for long
Now it's coming back again
From the whispers I hear behind

Leave, go away
I did not desire to have this thing going around me
I've hidden this silently, deeply
Watching every line that comes from this lip

Leave, well I should leave
I will be the one who will commit the mistake
I will not be spilling out one line to you

Here it is, another set of lines to be shared, to end up a Friday night.

LEAVING A NOTE BEFORE SEMBREAK

my first tagalog entry

una palang alam ko na
nang sinabi mo hindi pwede nga
tinatak ko sa isipang ito
hindi maaring burahin ng isang pagkakamali ko

pinanindigan ko ang salita mo
alam ko hindi talaga pwede ito
ayokong lumagpas sa linyang nakapagitan sa atin
mahirap man pigilin

bawat araw na lang napapaisip
kung tama nga ba ang mga nasa panaginip
kailangan ko pa bang humithit
upang 'di maibalik ang hirit

tigilan ko na ba ang kahibangan?
mas katanggap tangap kung mananatili ang pagkakaibigan
nais kong makita ang mga pangyayaring masaya
mas mabuti ngang ganito sa kanya

nabulabog ako ng mga katanungan ng mga tao sa paligid
kahit isigaw pa ng damdamin
nananatili pa ring "hindi pwede!"
papanindigan ko pa rin ang salitang "hindi pwede!"

ilang beses na ako nagkamali
ayoko nang maulit pa, maling pagpili
desisyon ko'y ganito
nagmamatigas ang isipan ko

ngayon pa lang ay nakikita ko
pagkakamali ang pakiramdam na ito
hindi talaga maaring maituloy pa
kahit hanggang ilang beses pang pigilan


well I have to release my thoughts, I know only one will know. I really have to keep this within myself.

-tamtamz-

A Meditation

It has been a year and a couple of months since we did not see each other. I tried for many times different ways to forget you, after those i really did erase you in my mind for not knowing how. Then months passed I did not think of you, never did I directed my attention to everything that reminded me of you, from train stations, voices, semblance with people and your favorite stuff that I know...but here I go again creating an illusion of you in my eyes and mind. I know the events that happened between us embarrassed you, or even worse than what I've said. Here's what I can say..

"IF YOU REALLY DO FORGOT THOSE THINGS BETWEEN US COULD YOU PLEASE BE POSITIVE WITH YOUR LIFE! I MEAN, OPEN YOURSELF AGAIN TO [ME]. I WILL NOT BE PARTICULAR, LET'S BE FRIENDS AGAIN, LITERALLY OR TECHNICALLY BECAUSE IT SEEMS YOU'RE STILL TAKING ME AS A NEGATIVE PERSON YOU'LL HIDE FROM. CAN WE START OVER AGAIN?"

I just release whatever I had inside. I meditated, forgetting you, letting you go again, and I'll do this for millions of times just to keep myself calm without you.

back to blogging for sometime

-supposed to be doing HOA-

-guitarstringsandbrokenwings-
-탐탐-